I think I can, I think I can....

Let's see, in the last 24 hours, I set a new land-speed record for getting early elementary level homework done (and look mom, NO TEARS!), went to Bunco, drank two beers and a glass of White Merlot (highly recommend this if you haven't had it yet!), waxed philosophical about the relative weaknesses of the school district where I work and where my kids go to school, came home an hour later than I told my mom I'd be out (feels like high school all over again, sneaking in late and tipsy), and ended up with some sort of intestinal bug from something I ate at Bunco.

So I slept in until I absolutely had to get up to get the kids to school, came home and took a leisurely shower and got to work an hour late. Spent the day in meeting after meeting. Picked up the kids at daycare, ran home to change for working out (me) and swimming lessons (boys), had a nice leisurely dinner at McDs while practicing spelling words, then the boys went to swim while I introduced myself to an instrument of torture masquerading as fitness equipment.

http://www.egymequipment.com/stairstep70p.html

The dreaded stepmill. That was the longest 12 minutes of cardio of my life. My fitness coach for the 35K challenge says it's the ultimate butt lifter, and I'm definitely no JLo, so maybe I need it, but man, I was DYING after 28 flights of stairs at level 6 effort. All that for a measly 100 calories, too. I guess my shapely butt will have to be reward enough, huh?

I won't be doing THAT one again for a while! Son One told me, "Your face is purple, Mom..."

Tomorrow I have 9 IEP meetings and a user group meeting for our special ed software. Then counseling. Then the grocery with the boys. I am going to practice the "divide and conquer" method of coping with shopping before a holiday. Gotta pack and pull together Son Two's food for our feast on Thursday before we leave...he's a walking histamine and never travels food-light.

And come Wednesday morning, it's over the river and through the woods to Grandpa's house we go!

And I'm not ON the hamster wheel. I swear. It just reads that way.

It is a gorgeous Sunday morning.....

Sunday is the day that seems to inspire the most guilt about not being on the hamster wheel. By noon, I'm obessing about having to go back to work tomorrow, the laundry that isn't done, the meals that need planned and the groceries that need purchased.

The boys have been with their dad this weekend, and they come home at 5 today. The striving for centered, balanced part of me wants to just be home with them and hang out this evening. But it's Bunco night, so Grandma is coming to watch them while I go participate in something that is Mommy time. (This concept is a little lost on me this weekend, since I've just had a whole weekend of Mommy time...it's much more useful and anticipated when I've just been running the Two Ring Circus all weekend....)

I'm going to breakfast this morning with my non-dating friend, "Crash". When my second marriage failed, I decided that the perfect relationship would be one where I saw the guy every other weekend and once in a while during the week...for about 12 years. Ask and ye shall receive....although this relationship is one defined as "JUST FRIENDS". We hung out in jammies on Friday night and ate shrimp and cheese and crackers and drank wine and he fell asleep in my lap while we watched a movie. Seems more like 10 years married friends, doesn't it?

Only two days of work this week. Thank goodness. The boys and I leave for Grandpa and Gigi's house on Wednesday morning, and there may well be some snow to go with the old "over the river and through the woods" theme. The boys can't wait. I am looking forward to it too, but in classic hamster wheel fashion, I'm already stressed about getting everything together and what the boys are going to wear, etc.

Oops, the shower beckons....

So, what IS the "hamster wheel"?

Have you ever watched a hamster going to town on the wheel in it's cage? (Yes, I know there are significant parallels between the hamster and all of my fellow cardio kings and queens at the Y...) Have you ever noticed what happens if the hamster tries suddenly to stop?

He ends up with his nose up his butt.

After living pretty much the last 12 years on that hamster wheel....running...running....running....and not really knowing why I'm running so hard or why I never seem to go anywhere....I made a decision 5 months ago.

I got off the hamster wheel. I resigned as registrar of the kids' soccer club. I gave up my committee co-chair position for the annual school festival. I relinquished responsibility for Election Day bake sales.

Working 50+ hours a week as a school administrator, raising two boys pretty much on my own, keeping up with an aging house seemed like commitment enough. I ran the risk of BEING committed if I continued trying to leap tall Mommy competitions in a single bound.

5 months into this new lifestyle, I've had starts and stops. I've found myself climbing back onto the wheel a few times....I haven't taken a full-fledged spin, but I've been dangerously close. I need to keep myself honest.

I know I'm not the only mom who feels this way, so I figure maybe this little blog will scare up some support for staying off of the hamster wheel in the form of some fellow recovering SuperMoms. And if nothing else, it will give me a place to affirm my own progress as I try to navigate a life of balance.