This is why dating in small towns is not a good idea...

I have been seeing the same counselor since my first marriage ended in 2003....religiously, just about every week. It has been a tremendous help to me in just having someone to bounce things off of, especially since I don't have IRL friends in the same situation (divorced, working, etc.) , or a spouse waiting at home to listen to me sort through the day while we make dinner or fall asleep at night. She's really been helpful to me in talking through situations and figuring out how I want to handle them...and one of the things we've talked about at length is my crappy track record in relationships and my attempts to do better for myself in current trials.

The fact that I go to a counselor has come up several times with Crash (non-dating friend guy) over the past year and a half, but in passing, never in specifics. Today I happened to mention the counselor by name when we were driving, his bells went off, and after connecting the dots, it turns out that it's the same counselor that he and his ex went to when he wanted to end their marriage, and he continued to see her for a while after they stopped going as a couple. This would have been three years ago or so, probably about the time I started seeing her, and certainly a considerable time before I met him.

I took a break from the relationship with Crash for about 5 months this spring, and when I decided to start seeing him again, I was kind of shy about telling her that I was going to give it another shot...I thought she'd think I was taking a step backwards or something, but she was really supportive and I remember at the time feeling very validated, but somehow surprised that she was so encouraging. Now I'm wondering if she'd made the connection - the cynical part of me that looks for the worst is having a field day.

I have a really hard time opening up and talking about what's going on in my life, and I feel somehow now like my one safe place isn't so safe. It's not like he's still seeing her too, but it just feels way too vulnerable to talk about what's going on with him with her now. I feel duped, even though I know that's completely ridiculous and irrational. She's doing her job, she's not a matchmaker, and maybe it's even a GOOD thing if she can draw on what she knows about both of us to help me decide what the hell I'm doing. But it still feels icky. Is there NOWHERE to go to be anonymous anymore? (And yes, I get the irony that I'm posting about this on the internet.)